Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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