Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
