This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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