I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
