I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
