butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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