i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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