i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
