youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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