I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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