In the future we'll all be gay
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
