Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
