His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
