Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
