dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
