You really coming over, don't trick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
