I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
