My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
