Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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