I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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