A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
