I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
