Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
