did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
