But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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