i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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