my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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