3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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