just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
