Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
