dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Who died my cat blue again?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
