My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
