CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
