I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
