I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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