i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
