The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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