i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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