just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
