i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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