you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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