So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
