i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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