What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
