Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
