i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
