also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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