My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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