so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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