Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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