you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
