We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
