doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
