you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
