Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
