I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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