Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think my vagina is haunted
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
