What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
