you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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