Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
