Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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