Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
