apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
