First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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