omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
