I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
