Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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