Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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