Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
