His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
tell me about the eggs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
