i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
