Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We got so high we made milksteak
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
