Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
